Coming Out - a Republican’s journey from the G.O.P.

Started out a Republican but didn't read the fine print. Didn't even SEE the fine print. Below is what made me conservative (until I read a bit further into The Agreement):


- keep taxes low (but make taxes for wealthy nonexistent)
- maintain strong DEFENSE (but use it for strong OFFENSE in unnecessary conflicts)
- champion world peace (but only through military intervention and not through global organizations/initiatives)
- freedom of speech is sacred (unless doing peaceful protest during the anthem, burning a flag, or protesting military conflicts)
- freedom from religion (but promote Christian-based legislation and prayer in schools)
- promote personal freedom (except when choosing same sex partnerships)
- enhance efficiency in government (but ban controversial words in health and environmental agencies such as “fetus” and “climate change”) 
- encourage freedom of the press (but ban and criticize journalists reporting real facts that constitute "Fake News")
- promote transparency in politics (by calling press “enemy of the people”)
- revere patriotism (only in form of lapel flag pins, flamboyant "America is Great" speech, and condemnations of social protests)
- honor veterans (except those who protest war)
- promote independent political expression (except at presidential campaign rallies)
- decry abortion (except when your mistress is pregnant)
- empower lower class success (by providing cups to catch trickle-down economic droplets)
- empower democracy worldwide (but not in U.S. where we promote gerrymandered districts, lack of term limits, unlimited financial influence, restricted voting rights, and no popular vote for president)
- allow racial equality (but challenge citizenship of non-caucasian candidates)
- care for our citizens (not medically, just "care" for them)
- preserve all life (even the elderly or terminally pained/ill people who want a legal way to die peacefully)
- be tough on crime (but fight the most rudimentary controls on gun ownership)
- respectfully mourn mass shooting victims (by saying "too soon" for gun control debate, then repeating statement after next mass shooting)
- promote family values (by espousing fidelity while rotating through mistresses and multiple marriages)
- science is good (except climate change science with 97% consensus)
- preserve the environment (by withdrawing from international climate agreements, promoting antiquated energy concepts, and rolling back environmental standards)
- promote politically independent thinking (through use of loyalty pledges)
- revere the constitution (by caressing your personal copy while blocking a supreme court nomination for a year until a new president is elected)